Hey beautiful, let’s talk about why following our dreams can sometimes feel like a nightmare. And some things we can do about it – while recognizing that in truth, something way bigger than us is what needs to change. (PS – if reading this blog gets you inspired to get more creative on the path to your dreams – especially in areas where you’ve felt stuck, head over next to check out the latest Cloud Dojo TV episode)
Modern society places a unique burden on women, particularly working mothers. We’re expected to be the CEOs of our households, meticulously managing child rearing, conceptualizing and making plans and schedules, grocery shopping, meal prepping, creating systems for keeping the house clean, and providing emotional support for all family members – and sometimes all of this while bringing our A-game at work.
We’re bombarded with images of picture-perfect moms who seem to have it all together, leaving us vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy. The pressure to conform to these unrealistic portrayals can be paralyzing, hindering our ability to define success on our own terms and pursue the goals that truly resonate with us.
Here’s the truth: reaching your goals requires self-compassion and a recognition that this isn’t hard because there is something wrong with you or your dreams. As Valerie Rein, PhD, writes, “Women are stuck trying to ‘break through’ what’s holding us back as if these were personal issues. They’re not. There’s nothing wrong with you. Seeing the bigger picture of this shared trauma calls for solutions that involve healing it. To help people see the invisible, I termed this insidious trauma, Patriarchy Stress Disorder® (PSD).”
The irony is that many of us have goals and dreams that we hope will help make this world more just and equitable. But we have to wade through an unjust world to get there. I wish I could solve all this in a blog post, but since I haven’t figured that out, let’s start with an invitation of 3 pieces of patriarchal baggage I invite you to ditch:
- The Comparison Trap: Seeing others’ highlight reels can fuel self-doubt. I actually took social media off of my phone to help myself avoid this trap.
- The All-or-Nothing Mindset: A missed workout or a late night at work doesn’t derail everything. Progress, not perfection, is key. Something that has really helped me with this is to recognize I picked up this mindset from cultural standards that are not my own – and also based on the hormone cycle of a man which offer relatively similar energy levels day-to-day and week-to-week. Once I started honoring that my mind, heart and body are supposed to show up with unique types of energy and clarity throughout the month, I was able to actually embrace and even plan in “missing” a workout, with joy!
- The “Should” Monster: Society can be a master of whispering “shoulds” in our ears. “You should be further along in your career by now.” “You should be able to handle more pressure without breaking down emotionally.” “You should be spending more time with your family.” “You should be spending more time with on your self care, or going out with friends,” and on and on. These external pressures can be overwhelming and cloud our vision. But whose goals are we chasing, anyway? This is your chance to break free from the societal mold and reclaim your ambition. What truly excites YOU? What makes your heart sing? Reconnect with your passions and let those be the driving force behind your goals. This intrinsic motivation will fuel your determination and see you through the inevitable challenges that arise.
Remembering that we are phenomenal, multifaceted beings, let’s rewrite the narrative, embrace the journey, and “slay” the barriers to a better world.
If you’re looking for some more inspiration, head here next!
Here’s wishing you a healthy, happy and vibrant week ahead!
Korie